Vayeira In this week's parsha we learn the mitzvah of hachnasat orchim (welcoming guests). The Gem…

Vayeira

In this week's parsha we learn the mitzvah of hachnasat orchim (welcoming guests).

The Gemara (Bava Metzia, 87a) states that women are stingier with guests than men. What's the reasoning behind this statement? (Note: This is actually not an insult to women).

Additionally, the Gemara (Shabbat, 127a) states that hosting guests is even greater than receiving the divine providence. However, the purpose of performing mitzvot is to get closer to Hashem, so how could performing just 1 mitzvah be greater than receiving the divine providence (and thereby becoming closer to Hashem)?

Let's first see the greatness of chesed (kindness)...

The Mishna (Pirkei Avos, 1;2) states that the world "stands" on 3 things: torah, serving Hashem and acts of kindness. Interestingly, the Gemara (Avodah Zarah, 17a) states that one who only learns torah (and doesn't perform acts of kindness) is considered as though they have no g-d. Furthermore, the Gemara (Shabbat, 127a) states that one who performs chesed receives reward in this world AND in the World to Come. Lastly, the Gemara (Yerushalmi: Peah 1;5) states that chesed is equal to all the other mitzvot combined.

Now, out of all the different acts of kindness in which one could perform, the Rambam (Hilchos Avel, 14;1) states that welcoming guests is the greatest one of them all. However, why is that? Why is welcoming guests greater than visiting the sick, comforting the mourning, etc?

Let's see the greatness of welcoming guests...

The Gemara (Chagigah, 27a) states that one's table (Rashi: welcoming guests) atones for one's sins. Additionally, the Gemara (Shabbat, 127a) lists welcoming guests as one of the mitzvot in which one receives reward in both worlds. Furthermore, the Gemara (Sotah, 46b) states that one who escorts their guests receives "immeasurable" rewards! Interestingly, on the flip side, one who doesn't escort his guests is considered a murderer. Lastly, the Midrash Tanchuma (Ki Teitzei) states that welcoming guests has the power merit children.

So, why is the mitzvah of welcoming guests so great? And why are women considered stingier than men regarding this great mitzvah?

Rabbi Yochanan Zweig explains that by welcoming guests we are emulating the ways of Hashem (the whole world belongs to Hashem and we are all guests) which is the reason why were supposed to perform mitzvot and become closer to Him. For this reason, the mitzvah of welcoming guests is even greater than receiving the divine providence.

However, why is hosting guests the only act of kindness that's greater than receiving the divine providence? Why does the Rambam (Hilchos Avel, chapter 14) state that welcoming guests is the greatest act of kindness?

Rabbi Zweig answers: All acts of kindness require one to give...whether it be their money, time, effort, etc. Hosting guests, however, not only requires one to give, but it requires one to "give up" their space and allow others to evade their privacy.
We could now answer why the Gemara (Bava Metzia, 87a) states that women are stingier with guests than men...

When guests come over, it's the women's space which is mostly being evaded! Women spend far more time at home than men. Therefore, it's the women which are really giving up a lot when they have guests. Additionally, we could explain that women do all (or most) of the work by going through all the preparations for the meal. Thus, the Gemara wasn't insulting women by stating that their stingy with guests...Rather, the Gemara was actually honoring women for they deserve the bulk of the reward when they host guests.
However, why does it matter if one gives up their privacy? What's the big deal?

I think we could explain as follows: Chesed isn't what you give, or what you do for someone else. Rather, chesed is the respect you give others and how you make them feel. The Rambam (Hilchos Avel, 14;1) explains that the term chesed (kindess) comes from the famous teaching of Rabbi Akiva that you should "love your fellow as yourself." And why is that? Because the real meaning of chesed is that you should unite with your fellows and give them a feeling of happiness.

Therefore, I think we could now explain why hosting guests is so great...

When one hosts guests, they not only provide for others, but by allowing them to evade their space, they show that they feel a sense of togetherness. By hosting guests, one shows a true love for their fellows, for in essence they're saying "your house is my house."

When Avraham Avinu performed the mitzvah of hosting guests he made sure his guests felt very welcome and respected...The Torah (18;2) tells us that as soon as Avraham saw the 3 men he "ran" towards them. Then he bowed towards the ground in front of them. He then (18;3) referred to them as his "lords" and to himself as their "servant." Avraham not only provided for his guests, but he made them feel united with him. He truly treated all of his guests as though it was himself.

Summary: The mitzvah of hachnasat orchim (welcoming guests) is the greatest of all acts of kindness (Rambam, Hilchos Avel, chapter 14). The Gemara (Bava Metzia, 87a) states that women are stingier with guests than men...Why? Because unlike all other acts of kindness, the mitzvah of hosting guests requires one to not only provide for others, but to give up their space and privacy (Rabbi Yochanan Zweig). And why does that matter? Because "chesed" (kindness) comes from the famous teaching of "Love your fellow as yourself" (Rambam: Hilchos Avel, 14;1). Therefore, when one performs chesed, they're not only required to give, but their required to give others a sense of love, which is most felt when invited over someone else's home.