Toldos

Toldos

In this week's parsha Yaakov and Eisav are born.\

The Torah (25;28) tells us that "Yaakov loved Eisav," even though he was wicked.

The Sforno (25;28) relates that Yitzchak actually knew that Yaakov was more righteous--but he still favored Eisav (as the pasuk only states that Yitzchak loved Eisav).

However, if Yitzchak knew about Eisav's evilness then why did he love him more than Yaakov?

I think we could answer that Eisav honored Yitzchak a lot more than Yaakov--therefore, Yitzchak favored Eisav.

The Midrash (Bereishis Rabbah, 65;16) states: "Rabbi Shimon ben Gamliel said, "All the days (of my life) I served my father, and I didn't even serve him even 1/100th (1%) of what Eisav served his father (Yitzchak)." The Midrash continues by relating that Eisav would only serve Yitzchak wearing clothes of royalty--for he would say that Yitzchak could only be properly honored that way. We therefore see the great amount of honor and respect in which Eisav constantly gave Yitzchak. Thus, it's very understandable why Yitzchak favored Eisav, despite his evil ways.

The sefer Chassidim (341) writes that we should learn from Eisav how we should constantly trouble ourselves in order to support our fathers--for Eisav would constantly put himself in dangerous situations so that he could bring food to Yitzchak. We could learn from here how Eisav loved honoring Yitzchak. Interestingly, the Alshich (27;3) writes that Yitzchak told Eisav to go bring him food before receiving the blessings in order to give Eisav another opportunity to honor him. Thus, we see how even Yitzchak knew how much Eisav loved serving him.

The Gemara (Kiddushin, 31a-b) relates a lot of stories from which we could learn how to honor our parents. For example, there was a non-jew by the name of Dama ben Nesinah whose father owned precious stones. One day the sages came and offered to buy them at a price in which he would receive a profit of 6,000,000 gold dinars! However, the stones were locked in a box, and the key to the box was under his father's pillow who was sleeping at the time. Therefore, Dama ben Nesinah rejected the sages offer, for out of respect for his father he could now wake him up. Additionally, the Gemara (Kiddushin, 31a) relates the following story, also involving Dama ben Nesinah. One day Dama ben Nesinah was sitting with Roman nobles wearing a silk cloak with gold when his mother came and ripped the cloak off of him, then she hit him on the head and spit in his face. However, out of respect for his mother, Dama ben Nesinah did nothing to retaliate for the humiliation (See Gemara for more stories: Kiddushin, 31a-b).

Now, what's the greatness of the mitzvah to honor your parents?

The Gemara (Shabbat, 127a) states that anyone who honors their parents receives reward in both this world and the World To Come. Additionally, the Torah (Shemos, 20;12--Devarim, 5;16) promises long life to anyone who fulfills this mitzvah. Furthermore, the Meschech Chochma writes that this mitzvah is a guarantor that one will fulfill the first 4 commandments. Lastly, the Midrash states that anyone who fulfills this mitzvah is worthy of having Mashiach come through them! (This is learned out from Gideon who told his father that he would take care of his wheat for him in case the Midyanites would come and attack. An angel then appeared to Gideon and told him that through that deed--he is worthy to have Mashiach come through him).

However, why didn't Eisav receive all these rewards for constantly honoring Yitzchak with such great love? Surely, Eisav must have done deeds for Yitzchak far greater than the simple act that Gideon did for his father--in which he became worthy of having Mashiach coming through him!?!

In order to answer this question, I think we need to gain a full understanding of what lies behind this mitzvah.

Here are some of many questions that could be asked on this mitzvah...

Firstly, what exactly is the purpose of this mitzvah? Surely the Torah wants us to honor and respect all of our fellow jews! Therefore, why is there a separate mitzvah just for one to simply honor their parents?

Secondly, the Gemara (Kiddushin, 30b) states that when one honors their parents--Hashem considers it as though they honored Him. But why is that? Why don't we say the same thing by honoring other fellow jews?

Thirdly, Rabbi Eliezer Papo (Pele Yoex) states that one's main obligation to honor their parents is after death. However, once they've died they can no longer receive honor directly. Therefore, one's main obligation to honor their parents should be during their lifetime!?!

Lastly, the Gemara (Kiddshin, 32a) states that the extent in which one should honor their parents should be learned from a case where a father throws his wallet into the sea and his son doesn't embarrass him. Why is that case specifically chosen to show how much one should honor their parents?

The Torah (Devarim, 5;16) states: " Honor your father and mother as Hashem your G-d has commanded you." We learn from the end of the pasuk ("as Hashem your G-d has commanded you") that we should honor our parents simply because Hashem commanded us to. Therefore, when one honors their parents--they're really honoring Hashem, for the reasoning behind the mitzvah is simply to follow His will. Thus, it's greater to honor your parents after they've passed away, because many times people honor their parents to follow the will of their parents. However, once one's parents have already died they can no longer be forced by them to give honor. As a result, all the honor they give their parents is simply to follow Hashem's will--they way it should be. We learn from the case where a father throws his wallet into the sea how we should honor our parents because in that case it really doesn't make sense why we should honor our father--he just did something really foolish! However, by giving him honor in that case we show that our real intentions are to follow Hashem's commandment--for it shouldn't matter what they say or do--we should always give them honor because Hashem told us to. Now to Eisav: Why didn't he receive all the great rewards promised for honoring his father?The Torah (27;34) states that after Eisav found out that Yaakov had received the blessings that he "cried out an exceedingly great and bitter cry." Why did the Torah have to explain the great extent of his cry? I think the Torah is teaching us that Eisav was serving Yitzchak in order to receive reward from him (for otherwise, why should he be SO angry? He just performed a big mitzvah!) However, as we've explained, we should serve our parents because Hashem commanded us to--not to receive reward in return. Eisav completely misunderstood the basis behind the obligation to honor one's father. We could see this from another pasuk (27;41) as well, where the Torah tells us that Eisav wanted to wait for Yitzchak to die then kill Yaakov. Rashi (27;41) relates that the reason why he wanted to wait for Yitzchak to die before killing Yaakov was so that he wouldn't cause Yitzchak pain. However, just the opposite is true! As we explained, one's main obligation to honor their parents is after death! By wanting to kill Yaakov after Yitzchak died we see that Eisav was serving Yitzchak to serve Yitzchak--not Hashem! Therefore, he failed to receive all the great rewards promised for honoring one's father.

Summary: Although Rabbi Shimon ben Gamliel didn't even serve his father 1/100th as much as Eisav (Bereishis Rabbah, 65;16), Eisav completely misunderstood the purpose behind the mitzvah. The Torah (Devarim, 5;16) states: " Honor your father and mother as Hashem your G-d has commanded you." From the seemingly extra words of "as Hashem your G-d has commanded you" we learn that one should honor their parents because Hashem commanded them too--not just because of their parents. Eisav served Yitzchak because of Yitzchak, not Hashem. We could see this from the Torah when it states (27;41) that Eisav wanted to kill Yaakov, but he wanted to wait until Yitzchak died in order so that he shouldn't cause his father pain (Rashi). What Eisav misunderstood is that when one gives their parents honor they are really honoring Hashem, for the commandment to honor our parents is specifically because He commanded us to. Eisav thought that once Yitzchak died there would be no more mitzvah to honor his father--but just the opposite is true! A person's main obligation to honor their parents is AFTER they've passed away (Pele Yoex). For this reason, he didn't merit all the great rewards promised by the Torah for honoring one's father.